Dead Rising, once a beacon of challenge in the wasteland of easy-mode gaming, has been resurrected and promptly neutered.
Some suit-wearing bigwig at Capcom, probably named Ryosuke Murai or something equally forgettable, had the audacity to explain why they’ve turned this zombie-slaying masterpiece into a walk in the park. Apparently, the original was just too damn hard for today’s delicate sensibilities. Heaven forbid players actually have to work for their entertainment.
This genius director claims they made it easier because – get this – people were quitting before they got to “the great stuff.” Well, excuse me for thinking that overcoming challenges was part of the “great stuff.” But no, we can’t have that in 2024, can we? We need instant gratification, served up on a silver platter with a side of participation trophies.
They’ve “smoothed off the initial hours difficulty curve,” which is corporate speak for “we’ve removed any semblance of challenge.” Now you can breeze through the game without breaking a sweat, because apparently that’s what gaming is all about these days.
Oh, and let’s not forget about the grinding. Heaven forbid players have to put in some effort to level up. No, no, we can’t have that. It might give people calluses on their thumbs or something equally horrifying.
So there you have it, folks. Another classic game castrated in the name of accessibility. At this rate, we’ll be playing “Press X to Win” simulators by 2030. But hey, at least everyone will get to see “the great stuff” without having to earn it. Isn’t progress wonderful?
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my basement playing the original Dead Rising on my dusty old Xbox 360, remembering a time when games actually posed a challenge. You kids enjoy your “Deluxe Remaster.” I’m sure it’ll look great on your shelves next to your participation trophies.
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