So, Bethesda’s latest attempt to salvage their space-faring snoozefest has crash-landed harder than a drunk pilot on Neon. Shattered Space, the DLC nobody asked for, has managed to plummet from “Mixed” reviews to “Mostly Negative” on Steam faster than you can say “16 times the detail.”
Let’s break down this steaming pile of space junk, shall we?
First off, the price tag. Thirty bucks. Thirty. American. Dollars. For what amounts to a glorified fetch quest and some reskinned weapons. It’s like Bethesda is actively trying to see how much they can charge for disappointment. At this rate, they’ll be selling individual pixels for $5 a pop in Elder Scrolls 6.
The reviews are a symphony of discontent. One brave soul who actually played it (unlike half the reviewers) summed it up beautifully: “Why [does] this four quest cost half of the [base] game’s price, Bethesda?” Why indeed, my friend. Why indeed.
But wait, there’s more! The Chosen One narrative is back, because apparently, Bethesda can’t fathom a universe where the player isn’t the most special snowflake in the galaxy. The companions are about as deep as a puddle on Mars, and poor Andreja’s storyline is so underdeveloped, it makes the original game look like War and Peace.
Of course, we can’t forget the bugs. It wouldn’t be a Bethesda game without more bugs than an entomologist’s wet dream. At this point, I’m convinced Todd Howard thinks “QA” stands for “Quite Adequate” and calls it a day.
Now, some might argue that not all these reviews are legit. After all, Steam’s system allows anyone who bought the Premium Edition to leave a review without even launching the game. But let’s be real – when your game is so bad that people don’t even need to play it to know it sucks, you’ve got bigger problems than review bombing.
In the end, Shattered Space is less of an expansion and more of a cautionary tale. It’s a reminder that no matter how low your expectations are, Bethesda will find a way to limbo under them with room to spare.
So, here’s to you, Starfield. May your next DLC be slightly less disappointing than this one. But let’s not get our hopes up – we’re talking about Bethesda, after all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to play something with actual content. Maybe I’ll boot up Skyrim for the 500th time. At least the dragons there have some personality.
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